Still thinking...
Still pondering...
Still regretting...

Some details of that day that wasn't included...
when i walk out of the station...
that time i was still listening to the mp3
And after i turned my head....
A song was ended...and
It played

退后 by Jay chou...

i was thinking.. is this signal?
But i just don't know what were i doing that time...
why didn't i Step Back?

And some of you were wondering how she looked..
maybe this is an example...
abit similar to her..
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=172383313803&ref=nf

I AM SO REGRETTED NOW!!!
WHY DIDN'T I ASK THAT GIRL FOR NUMBER!!!!!!
JUST NOW I MET THE COOLEST GIRL I EVEER SEEN
SHE IS THE GIRL THAT I AM LOOKING FOR!!!
SHE CAME IN AT ANG MO KIO STATION WITH ANOTHER NERDY GUY
SHE STOOD VERY CLOSE TO ME..
AND HER FRIEND STOOD RIGHT BESIDE ME WITH BODY CONTACT WITH ME
BECAUSE THE GUY WAS SO SCARED OF THE GIRL
SHE WAS DAMN BARBARIAN AND HIT THE GUY EACH TIME THE GUY SAY WRONG THING
THE WAY SHE DRESS WAS TOTALLY DIFFERENT FROM HOW GIRLS NOWADAYS DRESS
SHE WORE ALL SHINY BLACK
A CURVY FLOWERY SHIRT AND A TIGHT PANTS
OK , I BE HONEST TO YOU...
THIS GIRL IS DAMN CUTEST , COOLEST PRETTIEST VIOLENT GIRL I EVER SEE
IMAGINE THE ACTRESS FROM

我的野蠻女友

CHANGE THE ACTRESS TO A GIRL WHO IS CUTEST , COOLEST PRETTIEST VIOLENT GIRL x 10
SHE ALSO HAVE A NICE AND BIG BUTT TOO...
SHE HAVE A LONG BLACK HAIR
FROM THE WAY, SHE STAND , SHE PLAY HER NWZW202B W Series
...
ALL HER ACTION WAS SO DIFFERENT FROM A CHIO BU
HER EVERY ACTION WAS SO STYLE LA...
I THOUGHT THE

我的野蠻女友

IS JOKE SHOW SIA...
YET REALLY GOT THIS TYPE OF GIRL...
SHE IS THE ONE
MY REALLY DREAM GIRL
I REALLY HOPE I CAN SEE HER AGAIN!!!
I KNOW SHE LIVED IN YISHUN
BECAUSE SHE GOT OFF THE TRAIN AT YISHUN TOO...
THAT MOMENT I WANTED TO SLOW DOWN MY PACE TO WAIT AND SEE THE GIRL AND
ASK FOR HER NUMBER...
BUT THAT TIME I THOUGHT THE ESCALATOR WAS GOING UPWARDS...
UNTIL I REACH THE STAIRS...
I SAW THE ESCALATOR WAS GOING DOWNWARDS
I WAS LIKE SHIT!!!
HOW?
NVM I JUST CONTINUE TO WALK DOWN...
BUT UNTIL I TAPPED AND WALK ABIT
I ALREADY PURPOSE TO WALK VERY SLOW
I TURNED MY HEAD AND SEE THAT GIRL AGAIN...
I WAS THINKING SHOULD I? SHOULD I?
AFTER I SEE HER FACE FOR THE LAST SIGHT..
I TURNED AHEAD AND WALK A FEW MORE STEPS...
I LOOK AGAIN...
I KNEW IMMEDIATELY I REGRETTED SO BADLY
EVERY SINGLE STEPS I WAS REGRETTING...
SHOULD I GO CHASE HER...
EACH STEP EACH STEP ..
I WAS TURNING BEHIND AFTER 2 STEPS AND SEE...
I WAS THINKING SHOULD I?
AFTER WALKING QUITE A FEW DISTANCES...
I GETTING MORE AND MORE ANXIOUS
I THINK AND THINK
AFTER I REACHED HOME...
A THOUGHT CAME TO MY MIND
CHANGE FASTER
CHANGE FASTER AND RUN DOWN TO BUS STATION
TO SEE IF SHE IS AROUND
I IMMEDIATELY CHANGE INTO RUNNING PANTS
AND WORE MY BASKETBALL SHOES...
I RAN AS FAST AS I COULD
I JUST DUN CARE IF I AM EXHAUSTED OR TIRED
I JUST KEEP RUNNING...
I DUN WANT TO REGRET ...
I WANT TO KNOW THIS GIRL
I WANT TO KNOW THIS SPECIAL GIRL SO BADLY!!
I KEPT RUNNING AND RUNNING...
I RAN FROM 15MINS WALK TO BUS STATION BY TAKING 1 MIN
I RAN SO FAST THAT I CAN FEEL LIKE I AM FLYING...
I JUST KNEW THAT I MUST KNOW THIS GIRL
HAI...
NOW I REALLY REGRETTING...
I WAS HOPING I COULD SEE THIS GIRL AGAIN...
PLEASE GIVE ME A CHANCE
I KNOW IT IS FATED..
I AM REALLY REGRET!!!

Somebody should teach me and show me how to change the blogskin...
my garfield blog look so messy...
haiz...

Blogging is a form of writing a diary...
I blogging right now is to write some of the things that i want to remember in the future..
When i came back to this page again..
I wanna to know what is my past...
What were i thinking back then...
What are some of the things i have done, and keep reminding myself..

Firstly, letting you all know about my grades nowadays...
Damn It.. i don't know what has happening to me..
I getting grades like B and C...
Omg if i am going at this rate.. i cannot get 3.8 and above anymore...
I been trying to see where have i gone wrong...
Never mind i take this 2 weeks as a lessons to improve more than a grade A...
I think i should do a reflection Journal For the Week Performance...
Pick up some of the skills that i had lost after 5 weeks break...
Must Pay alot of attention and do quality thinking...
A question must solve with many thinking...
I dun care if it waste time.. as long it get me there..
i know i be fine...

2ndly,
I am in love with lavenders!!
Lavenders Flower... not a girl
Don't anyhow think..
Why?
I don't know leh... i just love the smell...
It gave me feeling of a whole new love and life is about to begin...
The usual image of lavender that form in everybody's mind
is the Purple long shape flower...
If you wanna find more meanings about lavender
http://www.proflowers.com/flowerguide/rosemeanings/lavenderrose-meanings.aspx
...

Ok...
Now is the part the reason why i stay awake and blog now is because...
Emotional Feelings...
I am becoming more and more understand of my family state now...
Last time my father did many wrong decisions...
now he is in alot of debts...
I been blaming so many things...
Living in my life... is a pain
There was once my brother told me...
"Wenda, dun blame for born in such a poor family, right now you
have to think how to act wisely and dun make wrong decisions in life.
Don't make this mistake like your father do...
In future, when you have your own family,
You must not do the same thing to your kids...
It is not your fault to born in such a family...
But you still can change your life..."

WHY? WHY? WHY?

However, i am grateful that i have a caring, thoughtful and STRONG second brother...
And a loving mother...
Talking about my mother, i did many many foolish things...
WHY DIDN'T I TREAT MY MOTHER NICELY?
I already know that my mother couldn't walk properly...
And YET WORK SO HARD FOR MY FAMILY...
And she is old already...
So much worries...
My brother always advice me to treat my mother well...
Always teach me how to be a good person..
Always ask me to Be Strong...
At times, even my brother don't talk about his feelings...
i also can tell that he is also quite sad about his life...

Even a little countryside boy aged 13,
understands a important thing of life,
And He called in to the radio station to share with everybody
something that God share with him...
Although, i not a christian or what...
but this video is good...
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=131994416160&ref=mf

And one more thing is that there was this father...
A very strong and old father...
i not going to compare or what...
i know i should accept my fate...
however, this video is not telling me to compare that
this father is better my...
It is telling me that be a father like him...
Be a STRONG person...
Because I CAN do all things through Him who
strengthens me.


Never complain too much of things in life ....
They are not your faults...
It is like this...
It got a purpose why ...
It is about accepting it , and do it whole heartfully..